SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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