go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I understand Curling. That high.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
