she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
