Joe is yelling at the trees again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
