the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and she was petting her beer can
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
