It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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