Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
