his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
