i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
