What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
