I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
