sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
