i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
