Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
