i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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