I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
