Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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