The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
