So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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