A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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