I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
