The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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