I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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