I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
