An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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