Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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