Are we in a gay sports bar?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she told me i tasted like america
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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