i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
