I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
