I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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