He told me they were just razor bumps!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
