you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
50% drunk capacity currently
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
