you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
