I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
