Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
