dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
