You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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