Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
