I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
