i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
