Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
