oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
