last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
