y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
