the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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