there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
