I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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