i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
