I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
