I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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