How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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